


one small problem in an otherwise perfect plan

by theprinceofdorkness



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Vague Game of Thrones References, based on an actual thing that happened in superman, blame my friend for this its her fault, this is literally the worst thing ive ever written lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 10:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10435380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theprinceofdorkness/pseuds/theprinceofdorkness
Summary: kara has a tiny issue during lunch.or, a hitman (hitwoman?) gets hired to kill one kara danvers and it goes just how you'd expect.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so this is the stupidest thing ive ever written but i kinda love it. comments/kudos are greatly appreciated m'dudes, love yall

Looking back on it, it did come as a surprise to Marty that her latest mark was a brand-new reporter. She had killed high-ranking officials, businessmen and women alike, and yet here she was, setting up a sniper rifle in a hotel, getting ready to kill one Kara Danvers.

 

She shrugged to herself. It wasn’t her decision who she did or didn’t kill, anyway. The Red Viper, as she was known in the underground, asked few questions and expected fewer answers. She finished setting up her gun, meaning all that was left to do now was wait. Marty passed the time by idly scrolling through her Twitter feed, waiting for the intended target to show up, which, if her intel was right, would be in around a half an hour.

 

Marty was bored after about ten minutes. She ended up googling her mark out of curiosity, and found out that she was not only Cat Grant’s personal assistant for years, she was also dating L-Corp CEO Lena Luthor. She raised an eyebrow. Now _that_ was interesting. She wondered briefly why anyone would want her dead before shrugging and going back to Twitter. It wasn’t really her business, anyway.

 

 ***** ***** *****

 

Kara was running late. Honestly, it was a wonder she was able to make it to her lunch date with Lena Luthor (“-so, it’s a lunch date, you know? What should I wear? Alex, wait, come back-”), what with all the paperwork she had been doing at the DEO. J’onn had suddenly decided that if she was going to be on the payroll, if as a consultant, she was going to be doing at least some of her own paperwork. It wasn’t that it was _challenging_ , she mused, just tedious.

 

She shook her head, clearing her thoughts of paperwork and alien attacks. The restaurant, a cozy cafe with a plethora of outdoor tables _perfect_ for an early April afternoon, was in her line of sight. Kara spotted her girlfriend at one of them and started walking faster (and, really, if she used a _tiny_ bit of her superspeed, who would be any wiser?) towards her.

 

“Lee! Hey!” Kara did her best to sound out of breath. “Gosh, I’m _so_ sorry I’m late, Snapper had me working on this new article about the Alcubierre drive, and it’s, like, _super_ interesting, but hard to explain in less than 2000 words, and I was actually wondering if you’ve heard of it-I mean, I’m sure you have, since, you know, you’re _you_ , but-”

 

Lena’s smile grew as the reporter spoke, her eyes crinkling. She interrupted her friend’s rambling. “Kara. Breathe, darling. I understand,” Kara flashed one of her usual megawatt grins in response. “Although, I will say my specialty was always mechanical engineering, not theoretical astrophysics.”

 

The Kryptonian sat down in her chair with a _plop_. A waitress came by with a latte for her and a cappuccino for Lena, which she gratefully accepted. “Hm. I feel that. I’ve always had, um…” She spent a few seconds deciding the least suspicious way to phrase her next words. “...An _interest_ in space. Alien spaceships have always, uh, fascinated me, and-”

 

Whatever she was going to say next was cut off by the click of a silenced gun firing and a bullet ricocheting harmlessly off her chest.

 

Kara was briefly stunned. She glanced down to her chest, where a newly-made hole in her button down showed a glimpse of the blue and red underneath, and pulled her jacket closer around her frame. She took a quick glance around the plaza, determined there was no immediate threat to everyone else there, and looked down. The bullet was currently on the table, right in front of her latte. Lena, to her credit, noticed something was wrong, though not exactly what it was.

 

She leaned forward slightly in her seat. “Something wrong, dear?” The CEO’s voice held no small measure of concern. “You seem a bit off, if you don’t mind me pointing it out.”

 

The sound of her girlfriend’s voice brought her back to reality. “Oh, uh. N-nothing important, I just forgot to-to, uh…” Kara looked at the bullet shell on the table. An idea popped into her head, and it was possibly the worst one she had ever had. She went with it.

 

“...To take a pill! Luckily, I have it right here.” She picked the bullet shell up in one hand, closed her fist around it, and picked up her latte in the other. “I’ll just-I’ll just take it. Right now. Because that’s a good idea.” Kara steeled herself quickly before popping the bullet shell into her mouth, taking a generous sip of latte, and washing down the metal.

 

For the record, it was disgusting. Kara tried her best not to screw up her face as it went down, which only half-worked. She turned back to Lena with an attempt at her usual smile. Lena was understandably confused, but shook her head and changed the subject, something that Kara was eternally grateful for.

 

 ***** ***** *****

 

The rest of the date went pretty normally, all things considered. Easy conversation flowed between them, and at the end Lena gave Kara a quick kiss before they parted ways, with the promise to meet up later at Kara’s apartment for a movie night. To everyone watching, it was a fairly normal affair.

 

...That is, everyone except Marty.

 

She didn’t even know how to react. The bullet she had fired had hit its intended mark, sure, but not only had it had _zero_ effect, the target had then proceeded to **_eat_** **_the_** **_bullet_**. The Red Viper, a famed assassin feared internationally, was at a complete loss. She made up her mind then and there.

 

“I’m getting out of this city,” She muttered to herself. “I’m getting on the next flight to Toronto and I’m staying there, goddammit. I’m getting too old for this.”

 

Marty, true to her word, bought a first-class ticket for the next flight to Toronto, and refused every other case offered to her from then on, choosing to live out a peaceful life in Canada. And if anyone heard her saying something that sounded suspiciously like _Who in the hell eats a bullet, anyway?_ on the way out, they chose not to comment on it.


End file.
